More Election Campaign Craziness: July 2024 Edition
Some Of The Most Under Appreciated, Insane, and Comical Stories of the Week.
Feel free to check the entire blog archives from “Political Pulse” & “Salzillo Report” on the 2024 primary cycle, rural outreach, redistricting litigation, base dynamics, campaign organization, the current media landscape, the issues at stake, America’s political history, the progressive movement, the true story about Gina Raimondo, and much more.
Everyone is understandably stressed and anxious these days. How about we do something a little different and add a little comic relief to the 2024 news cycle?
Before I do, let me just run down these three reports of the week you might have not heard of. First, indicted 2020 fake electors from several battleground states will now make Trump’s nomination official this upcoming week at the RNC. Second, Trump proclaims amnesia on Heritage Foundation’s conservative presidential agenda Project 2025. An unearthed video from 2022 suggests otherwise. Finally, here is President Biden’s recent speech at this week’s AFL-CIO meeting:
Without further ado…
“A meeting of the ages” just took place at Mar-a-Lago between possible Noble Peace prize winners Viktor Orban from Hungary and Donald Trump from America. Just kidding. While NATO hosted a summit in Washington, these two planned out the best way to sell out Ukraine to a dangerous Vladimir Putin right after he bombed a children’s hospital in Kyiv.
In the coincidence of coincidences, Jimmy Kimmel went on summer vacation for personal reasons related to his son Billy. At the same time, he just so happened to miss the first presidential debate outcome and its aftermath. Trump has a little reprieve for now. Don’t get too comfy though, Don.
Lauren Boebert claims President Joe Biden’s “cognitive decline” is a result of his COVID-19 vaccinations. Well, if she really believes that, what explains the downfall of Rudy Giuliani or Mike Lindell? I don’t think they were exactly lining up for the shot.
Paul Revere was a signer of the Declaration of Independence? He is in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s history class (but wrong on Jeopardy!). Would she fare better with the signers of the U.S. Constitution? Maybe she’s better versed in the names of the January 6th rioters.
Hillary Clinton plays both sides once again, as she often does. That is, she told mutinying Democrats that they can’t force Biden out, comparing it to “taking the car keys away from older parents.” Sure everyone will appreciate that analogy. Great job offending just about everyone, Hillary.
On Thursday, #MeToo casualty Bill O’Reilly said “Democratic Party chieftains” like Barack Obama and Ron Klain were behind the efforts to “take out” Biden because “he can’t win”. On Friday, former Chief of Staff Klain said it’s time for Democrats to unite behind Biden. The crystal ball of O’Reilly is very on point.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s campaign of misinformation is under scrutiny again. Calls for his recent campaign ad to be taken down have spread, all while RFK Jr. has to defend himself from allegations of sexually assaulting a woman and BBQing a dog. BBQing a dog? That makes puppy kickers look good. In fact, it even makes puppy killers like Kristi Noem look good.
Cornel West criticizes Biden for not going far enough to the left. And yet he receives help to get on the ballot from right-wing Republican Party operatives, and courts significant financial support from Clarence Thomas donor Harlan Crow. In similar news…
Green Party candidate Jill Stein has been endorsed by Donald Trump for presidential third party spoiler. That is one endorsement I hope she would denounce. Although she does seem to take a liking to Putin, which probably tells you all you need to know about her endorsement standards.
Libertarian Party upheaval is threatening Chase Oliver’s campaign to get on the ballot in Colorado. Not like he would get more than 1-2% of the vote anyways. Keep an eye out for the next episode of Libertarian Family Feud.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott unfortunately did not have time to deal with Hurricane Beryl because he was on an overseas trip in Asia. At least he can say he was technically working—not vacationing in Cancun (unlike Ted Cruz).
But in Texas, the so-called “Energy Capital of the World” where “Drill, Baby, Drill” is their unofficial state motto, a million Texans are still without power today, with the utility companies taking the rightful blame. Texas Republicans and the oil & gas industry delivers again in the state from winter to summer. A true national role model.
Senator Rick Scott’s IVF claims were so contradictory that even Elon Musk’s X fact-checkers had to add context to his actual voting record on said issue.
Missouri Senator Josh Hawley advocates for the United States to be a Christian Nationalist nation. Are the Puritans coming back from the dead too? Welp, get ready to move again, Roger Williams.
For Indiana Congressman Jim Banks (who is now running for Senate), opposing armed rebellion and violence against the government is too complicated of an issue to take a stance on.
I think we can all agree that presidential candidates arguing over each other’s handicaps and golf swings was not the way for either candidate to alleviate concerns about their age. But President Biden’s working and campaigning, and Trump is being pushed out of the public eye by his handlers. Maybe Trump should take his “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV” cognitive test again. Might find some slippage if he does.
Some Democrats want an open convention. Of those, some want an open convention so that the oligarch can anoint a nominee of their choosing behind closed doors. Like US Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo. Does polling show a path for Gina Raimondo for President? Who knows, maybe she could have won—in a parallel universe without her horrible record, the great reporting of people like Ted Siedle, and this blog.
I don’t agree with the idea of “some folks need killing.” But some folks definitely need losing. Looking at you, NC Lt. Governor Mark Robinson.
Kristi Noem says she doesn’t know if shooting Cricket cost her the VP spot. I know what did: bragging about it in her new book. Though again, it appears that she could have run for President had she just gone all the way and BBQ’d Cricket. True family values.
